I used to think he just didn’t care. Or that something was wrong with me. Like really – I would think, “What am I doing so wrong that I can’t feel loved in our marriage? Is he just not trying? How so soon after being married have we failed so fast?” Many times over the first few years of our marriage this came up. And boy was it disheartening. I thought we had made the wrong choice – that he wasn’t the one, even that I wasn’t deserving of love. Little did I know…we just still had a lot to learn!
Friend, can I ask…do you feel loved? Do you? LIKE…REALLY?!
In marriage feeling loved is important. We’ve talked extensively about how love is a choice. Feelings are fleeting…but…that doesn’t mean they aren’t important.
Simply, using words to affirm other people. For those whose primary love language is words of affirmation language, hearing “I love you” and other compliments are what they value the most. On the flip side, negative or insulting comments HURT deep — and won’t be easily forgiven.
[Note: This is Andrew’s primary love language and consequently an area I LEAST relate to!]
Quality time is all about giving the person your undivided attention. People who value quality time are usually feelers where spending true uninterrupted time will make them feel comforted and valued. Distractions, postponed time together, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
For some people they feel most loved when they receive tangible gifts. This doesn’t necessarily mean the person is materialistic or needs to be lavished with expensive things but a thoughtful present goes a long way to making them feel appreciated.
NOTE: Women. Ha – I know you are probably thinking – isn’t every guy drawn by physical touch?! We will talk about this a bit more iin-depthduring subsequent blogs but sex and physical touch are NOT the same thing. While yes for just about every male sexual intimacy is super important to the marriage don’t just assume that physical touch is a primarily love language. Here we are more talking about every day common affection.
Now that you know what they are, find out how you love and how you need to be loved!
Take the quiz here:
Know that we’ve talked about what these love languages are our follow up blog posts will talk about what it PRACTICALLY looks like to love your spouse in their love language.
Andrew & Tianna
Sources: She Knows.com