Time. That elusive SOB we never have enough of, that plays tricks on us, that turns our tiny babies into giant kids capable of consuming all the groceries we just bought in 30 seconds flat. 

Our time is our most precious asset. We guard it carefully, meticulously planning out our moments to ensure we don’t waste any. Don’t get me wrong—managing our time isn’t a bad thing. To an extent, it’s necessary if we want to actually get anything done. We have careers, families, activities, volunteer work, social functions and a million other responsibilities. The list goes on and on, and we fill out our planner pages in a single-spaced frenzy trying to fit it all in.

But when it comes to friendships, we often overlook the importance of dedicating time to them – investing time into friendships . When planning our priorities, sometimes friendships simply don’t make the cut.

Please hear this, sisters: Time spent developing real relationships is never wasted. You won’t regret that hour spent at the coffee shop learning about a girlfriend’s childhood, her family, her dreams for the future. Or that afternoon spent curled up on her couch, listening to her deeply held fears and insecurities. You won’t regret making a meal for the friend who just had a baby, or visiting the one who’s suffered a loss and can’t bring herself to face daylight yet.

The hours we devote to cultivating these deep, life-giving relationships are the building blocks of true friendship. Brick by brick, hour by hour, coffee date after play date after midnight phone call, we are building the relationships that matter. The ones that will give us joy and hope in the best of times and carry us through the worst.

Friendship is Work

The reality is that we can’t expect meaningful, resilient, call-me-anytime-even-at-4-am friendships if we don’t put in the hours. If we don’t sow the seeds of love, care, service and generosity, we can’t expect to reap the gifts of true friendship.

There has been a steep learning curve here for me. When I first realized I was desperately in need of deeper friendships, my main concern was for myself. I was missing connection. I was in need of people who would listen, understand, show up, be there. My needs needed to be met. I was the victim.

What Jesus has not-so-subtly shown me in this season is that friendship is not about me. It’s not really about having my voice heard and my needs met. It is infinitely more about how I can use my gifts to be a friend to others. Once I stopped feeling victimized by my lack of friendships and started seeking out ways to actually be a friend, I found what I had been seeking all along.

Be the Friend You Want to Have

We all want friends who know us inside and out and love us unconditionally. Trusted confidants who share in our joy and pain, understand us to our very core, listen without judging, offer wisdom when it is desperately needed. But we so often miss the opportunity and the responsibility that is being that friend. We become blinded by what we perceive is our lack of, and fail to see the dozens of opportunities we have every day to be a friend to someone else. When we become the type of friend we ourselves crave to have, we unlock the greatest blessing of friendship: being a sincere friend. Jesus told us it is more blessed to give than to receive, and that absolutely goes for friendships. Give your friends the gift of your unconditional love and care,  be there for them, serve them, do the work. If you commit to those things, I promise you’ll find yourself in good company.

  Love, Chelsea

To catch up and check out our other posts from this series on Sisterhood:

On sisterhood and finding real friends.

Gossip.

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